I had a thought; in between the madness of work over the last few weeks. It was like a scolding fork prodding my left bum cheek. The thought was simply; why? Yes, yes..i’ve had it before. Many a time if fact, when talking about my ex. But this time it miraculously resonated with the answer. … Continue reading No room for self doubt
£2 is not a lot
I have £2 in my bank account, this should last me to the end of the month. No, that’s not a typo. And yes, it's only the 19th... I'd have never envisaged just how many things you actually have to deal with when you separate from someone. We had a home, shared bills and bank … Continue reading £2 is not a lot
I hate weddings
I didn’t take a single photo. And it was a beautiful wedding. The fact that it was at All Souls, and it’s April…grated on me. And if I’m totally honest – I hated every minute. Please don’t tell the bride. I left the evening reception rather abruptly – dashing out Cinderella-esq after a lovely comment … Continue reading I hate weddings
I'm just reviewing my recent poetry. And considering how, when I've only just started to write again, after a good year or so of being frozen... It's pretty dark. My moods fluctuate alarmingly, as you know, or can imagine, if you 'know me' - but, I didn't realise how 'dark' I was. I worry that … Continue reading Poem: Not
The more poeple that know, the more real it becomes
I've not told a single one of my friends as yet. Partly because of the shame of it, partly because that if i tell people, i'm admitting it's happened. The words feel unreal to me, and i'm not sure people will believe me.
The only time i really cried was this mroning, when it dawned on me he has taken my children away from me. We were planning a family, and had chosen names for both a boy and a girl that will now never be.