Bouts of Bravery

I call him CM. Meeting him is the result of a mixture of a challenge with work friends and curiosity.

I can imagine HA lifting her eyes to heaven. ‘A dating website? What have I told you?’

Obviously, I’m not put off by other people’s bad experiences. Although, i’ve heard both good and bad online dating stories. My previous boss put me off sites like Match.com, purely because it seemed like all the men she was meeting wanted was sex. Not a relationship, just sex. (and don’t get me started on those ‘we met online’ case studies. I know PR when i see it!)

He ‘looted’ the site as he was leaving CC. Deciding not to renew his subscription he mailed me his email address with an invitation, “I thought I would take a bit more of a direct approach give you my e-mail and suggest that if you are interested in getting to know me more you can e-mail me.”

He said he’d lasted three months. And I can understand why. In only a month I felt I was becoming a little too obsessive. I was frequently logging on to see who had ‘waved’ at me, who had looked at my profile (which i was constantly updating and ‘refining’. Actually, I think the 60 year-old was the last straw. [shiver]

However, one ‘bout of bravery’ later I realised that new friendships can be surprisingly easy. I put this down to having no expectation other than, a meeting of two people who happen to have had very similar experiences. Similar hurts..and stories of healing.

And so, we moved from email to texting; with the last bout of bravery (‘bob’) leading to our first phone conversation at Greenbelt. Now we speak nearly every day.

Unfortunately, after using the ‘bob’ acronym in a text to him, I can’t think of it being anything other than ‘battery operated boyfriend’. A friend of his had informed of the alternative meaning just before our first conversation at Greenbelt. His story made me smile. No. Actually I laughed and laughed. And he continues to make me laugh.

We’re friends, but he’s made me think about what it would be like to finally move on. It’s become a possibility, something to work towards. Although i can’t really do this unless i start a certain legal procedure. Today, I pulled out the ‘Papers’. They’ve been sitting in front of me since 9.30am. I could potentially have my surname back by Christmas. If not by then, then very soon after.

In other news: my Orchids have flowered. And at the same time! This means, they must like me.

They are beautiful.

Why Can’t I Pray?

So..Fellowship Groups started again this Tuesday for the Autumn/Winter season. We’re reading 1 Samuel – and so far so good! I’m trying to understand Hannah, and what sort of belief/faith it takes for you to continuously ask God for something for half your life, and still love God – even when you don’t receive. And then when you do receive..to love him enough to give it back to him?!

You would think a story like that would move me to Prayer, right?! I’m telling you…my words don’t even catch in my throat…they hang about hotly around my ears somewhere.

I’m not taking this lightly..and i have to find some sort of cure. I mean..I’ve taken exams; i studied at University..i WRITE POETRY!?? And i can’t pray?

There were five of us last night….and at the end of the study we all voiced our prayer requests. R wrote them into an email which would later be mailed to each of us – and then we bowed our heads.

R is so eloquent, but it may have been easier for him as he had just written the prayer requests down. S has only been a committed Christian for about 2 years – but even within a year she’d thrown herself into working with ASLAN and other All Souls related things. She prays with her heart….an articulate keening expression of faith.

B is a quiet soul, and this reflects in her prayers. She’s thoughtful, and will pick a strand that touches each of us, to lift us infront of God our Father. M is clear-cut, and his uncomplicated and confident prayers were short and sharp.

Why can’t i?

fellowship group