Take A Good look At My Face

The world around me is continuing to go on as normal, and all the while my life is crumbling around my ears.

People are on honeymoon, having birthdays and remembering friends who have passed away today. I felt very lonely watching Daybreak by myself this morning, and I’ve just realised i forgot to eat breakfast.

The meeting with him last night was pretty pointless. I’m not even sure what i wanted from it really – maybe for him just to take a good look at my face.

He has no explanation for his reprehensible behaviour, which makes the fact that he’s ruined our life completely pointless. At least if he’d fallen in love with her, or he hated me, or found me repulsive…

I gave him his rain coat, and he cried a little more. I also told him to book into a counsellor, as he needs to understand why he needed to self destruct. Married again too soon after the death of his previous wife? Low self esteem?

I drank two large glasses of wine with him..he cried into his continuously…my grief engulfed me every so often. I’d felt strong when i first walked into the bar and saw him…and it happened again. Not sure if i’d said, but when i was at the wedding, sitting at the reception, every time i felt overtaken by emotion, i felt a hand in the small of my back, or on my side…like someone had nudged me. The same happened last night.

Not sure how to explain it, Pinot Grigio? But my prayers have been to be kept safe, and close to God. I want to imagine the Holy Spirit as a person, never leaving my side.

“work at it with all your heart”

Colossians 3:20-24 – “23Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men…”
With an effort that really shouldn’t have to be juggernaut sized, I’m knuckling down on this ‘Glory’ thing for work.

So, my prayer this morning was along the lines of, ‘Please Lord, send your Holy Spirit to be with me so that I might bring everything I do today at your feet and for your glory. I pray Lord that my colleagues and especially my boss would see my good mood, and wonder what’s making me smile.’

I’m not sure if it’s because I also had the advantage of being able to attend the mid-week service this afternoon – but it’s been a pretty good day. Although i’ve half finished a proposal, i’ve also been given a project to take ownership of. I’m trying not to be keep the positivitiy around this. As, what normally happens is i do the research and put it in powerpoint presentation for the Boss to sign off; then she usually changes it around a little and sends it off herself, so the client actually has no idea i’ve done it.

Problem? Noooo…all for the Glory of God!

Ahem..