Headstrong

You miss me most when you’re craving
Your heart of discontent
And then you cry you’re worth saving
On this, i daily lament.

It hurts to see you head strong
When your heart is so very weak.
All sacrifice seems worthless. I long
For the prayer which you never speak.

All I ask is that you love me
I made grace so very easy for you
look away from your pained reverie
Trust my strength will see you through.

29.06.11

£2 is not a lot

I have £2 in my bank account, this should last me to the end of the month. No, that’s not a typo. And yes, it’s only the 19th…

I’d have never envisaged just how many things you actually have to deal with when you separate from someone. We had a home, shared bills and bank accounts. A shared life, so it is of course inevitable that it will be messy.

I can write reams on the emotional consequences; ripe inspiration for poetry. If I were more motivated, more eloquent, I would write more.

It’s the depression, the realisation and remembrance of the loss, the sadness that engulfs me like a wave that sometimes takes me by surprise. Like today, I feel lonely.

Physically, I think I may have psoriasis on my scalp. Sometimes I feel like clawing my hair out. And now that I don’t drink so much (this, only because I can’t afford to buy it, and not because I don’t want to.) I think my liver feels better…

The funny thing about this is – the sudden ‘coincidences’. That, although I feel down – I still have many reasons to be ‘ok’ in this situation.

For example, the free bottle of wine on Friday that was given to my friend and I because the bar didn’t have a table for us?!

The free ticket to the gig yesterday, and a lift there from a friend meant that I didn’t have to cancel because I couldn’t afford to get there…