Take A Good look At My Face

The world around me is continuing to go on as normal, and all the while my life is crumbling around my ears.

People are on honeymoon, having birthdays and remembering friends who have passed away today. I felt very lonely watching Daybreak by myself this morning, and I’ve just realised i forgot to eat breakfast.

The meeting with him last night was pretty pointless. I’m not even sure what i wanted from it really – maybe for him just to take a good look at my face.

He has no explanation for his reprehensible behaviour, which makes the fact that he’s ruined our life completely pointless. At least if he’d fallen in love with her, or he hated me, or found me repulsive…

I gave him his rain coat, and he cried a little more. I also told him to book into a counsellor, as he needs to understand why he needed to self destruct. Married again too soon after the death of his previous wife? Low self esteem?

I drank two large glasses of wine with him..he cried into his continuously…my grief engulfed me every so often. I’d felt strong when i first walked into the bar and saw him…and it happened again. Not sure if i’d said, but when i was at the wedding, sitting at the reception, every time i felt overtaken by emotion, i felt a hand in the small of my back, or on my side…like someone had nudged me. The same happened last night.

Not sure how to explain it, Pinot Grigio? But my prayers have been to be kept safe, and close to God. I want to imagine the Holy Spirit as a person, never leaving my side.

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